It's like I know what I got to say, I just don't know how to say it... to you

Swear, hella feeling these Drake songs. Houstatlantavegas, Successful, Best I Ever Had? Pretty dope.

I feel like I've been over thinking things as of late. I'm never really sure of myself, it's sad. You'd think I'd have more confidence in my own person to atleast make decisions on my own. Swear. Even when I know the answer if someone shouts an alternative I end up reconsidering it. Like when I'm driving. I'm pretty damn sure I know where most of these streets go but sometimes people tell me to make wrong turns when I know they're wrong and I take them just because I believe in them more than myself.

How or when did I become this way? Why am I lacking in the self-esteem department? It sucks tremendous dick.

I'm over thinking things way too much, especially when it comes to girls. Hell, even when it comes to work it's been a problem. Francis was lecturing me yesterday because he couldn't stand how I had to ask about everything and couldn't give strait answers. It's not just because I'm new but wow it really is a problem. Traci is new too but she's not this indecisive. Why though, really? I've got people telling me outright that I'm good looking. I've got a nice car (rly though bitches love the car) and money. You'd think that would be enough to give me some confidence right? I see it, and my friends tell me, that if they had the aesthetics (face/body) and capacity to provide (car/money) that they'd be complete. Here I have them both and I don't know what to do with them. That's why I feel like sometimes people get mad at me for being the way I am. I'm a waste of goods, taking what I have for granted. I've never really considered myself more fortunate than others though because I know that in a relationship it takes more than good looks and impressive stuff to keep a girl. It's personality, that genuine sense of self, that holds more substance when in relation to things romantic. And it is Personality that I am severely underdeveloped.

I'm not insecure because I'm ugly or poor, I'm insecure because my personality sucks.

Fuck though. I like a girl, she likes me back. How is it that we're not together right now. It's been over a flippin month already of this. If this were anyone else they would've fucked her by now.



brb, I wanna write more about what exactly am I over thinking but I need to help a friend out.