Sunday, February 14, 2010
This mix WORKS. Probably the only way I can tolerate this k-pop hype.
Anyways as of late I've been thinking about girls on and off. Been thinking about my standards. My ideal girlfriend compared to the bare minimum required in order for me to be interested in a girl. I just realized I never talk to my ideal girlfriend. My ideal girlfriend is Philippine born but bay influenced. She's sexy, parties wild, knows what's up but at the same time somehow happens to be a sweetheart, family oriented, and smart. I know a girl like this and where she is but damn if I'll ever talk to her. If I had stayed at Napa I'd probably be talking to her. Instead I talk to girls who fall below the bar. Sometimes it feels like I'm actually seeking them out. YUCK at me for being such a creep and YUCK at me for thinking I could judge anyone.
Self loathing aside I really can't talk to girls I want. Really though it has to be someone I wouldn't consider being with (serious or not) or someone who's already taken. As soon as I'm interested though I just lose it. A girl could like me and as soon as I want her back the failures start. True Story. Mmmmm... fml.
I think there was maybe one point in my life where I really did things right. I saw a girl I knew I wanted and I went for it. I didn't wait for her to like me. I just kept talking to her until she did. It wasn't easy at first. She was very disinterested at first and for a long time we didn't have anything to connect on. I kept asking her whats up and threw out topic after topic. Until eventually something sparked and we just clicked. I even remember what that topic was. I think I was asking her about death o_O. Anyways after that things got easier. She'd actually start coming to me to talk and well... yea. And that might be the only thing I did right, haha. Or atleast that's how I remember it.
So I'm trying to the same thing now I think. And in a way it's working. Fuck if I know. God I'm at the capacity at which I can continue with this FUCK THIS TOPIC. moving on now.
I need more "club bangers" in my play list. Yea, "club bangers" is genre now. I think. Yea I'm fucking spent. Forget it. End blog.
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